In the wake of the shootings in Littleton, there's been a cry of "where were the parents?" As if all parents are equally up to parenting. As if all parents know how to access help when things begin to go wrong. As if parenting alone is what influences kids. As if blaming the parents is going to help matters at all.

When politicians start talking about how the answer to teen troubles is to put more responsibility with parents, I wonder just who they are talking to. Parents who know how to parent are already doing it. Parents who know they don't know how but want to do a good job are taking parenting classes, reading parenting books, tuning in to websites like this one and asking everyone they know what to do. Parents who either don't know or care that they are doing an inadequate job, who really wish that they didn't have kids, or who are overwhelmed by the task are not going to do better because of political posturing.

In the name of respecting choice and privacy, most Americans assume that how children are raised is no one's business but the parents. An extension of that idea is that it is only the parents who get the credit - or the blame - for how their kids turn out. It's not really fair. There are so many forces in the world that can counter good parenting or reinforce abuse and neglect. Parents can't do it alone. The job is too big. Some parents' capacity for parenting is too small. All parents in our communities need help in raising the next generation.

This isn't a new idea. There have always been adults who have run the Scout and Youth groups, coached the teams, and befriended the young. What is new is the need for every capable adult to step up to the challenge. We can no longer afford to simply hope that someone else will do it. However busy we are, that someone now needs to be each of us. There are too many kids out there who need adult mentors to count on a few good souls among us to do the job.

I wonder how things would be different in Pearl, in Littleton, in our own cities and towns, if all the adults got involved. How would the outcome be different if all the adults agreed that bullying is not tolerated - no matter who is doing the bullying? What if every adult neighbor, teacher, shopkeeper, or coach looked into the eyes of a teen today and said "Hi. How are you doing?" and waited around to hear the answer? What if each of us made a point to reach out to any child or teen who seems isolated, angry, shy, or out of step? What if each and every adult embraced the idea that mentoring young people, those related by blood and those related by community, is a central part of our job - not an extra.

This is a call for action. Each of us needs to be contributing on some level to the welfare of our collective children. That contribution can be as simple as befriending our own children's friends or as complicated as starting a Community Teen Center.

Involvement means activity. Good intentions or general friendliness are not enough. I dearly wish that the politicians who are pointing fingers at parents would instead personally coach a team, lead a Scout troop, offer internship opportunities, or just put an arm around some kid today. Talk is indeed cheap. If instead, we each reach out to our children and teens, especially those who seem disaffected, angry, afraid, hurt, or isolated, we can influence a life. It's become clear that we all need to be involved. The safety of all of our children depends on it.

Dr Marie advises:

• To stop the violence in our schools means to start increasing adult involvement in children's lives.