It’s Friday afternoon.  Eleven little girls have tumbled into my kitchen, unloading backpacks, boots, parkas, hats and mittens at the door. Soon they are arranged around the kitchen table, eating a snack and chattering away about all the things little girls talk about. My co-leader and I both have daughters in the troop. The other girls are school-mates and friends.  Now in our fourth year together, the girls know each other well. They giggle. They talk. They work together - and don't. They spat. They bicker. They sing. It's Friday afternoon.

Holding a meeting is very much like giving a kid party every week. There needs to be a snack, a game, a craft, perhaps a project; in short, enough to do to keep 11 little girls happily occupied for an hour and a half. Today's agenda includes popcorn and juice, painting our names on t-shirts, doing some research, and, of course, since this is Scouts, a candlelight ceremony.

Sometimes 11 girls can feel like 30 as they move from one activity to another. This week, the living room floor is littered with books and girls as one group looks up information on Russia for the display they are planning for a Scout international fair. Another group is at the kitchen table where they are designing and painting t-shirts so that we'll all look alike when we go on field trips. (If the girl is in royal blue, she's ours.)  Another group is setting up the candles and planning the ceremony. Two girls are on the Internet looking up information about Plimouth Plantation for a Spring trip. All the girls are very busy. We adults try to sit back and let them go, only intervening here and there with a tip about the crafts or a reminder about behavior.

Why do my co-leader and I do this on top of jobs, kids, caring for an elderly parent, and community obligations? It's Friday afternoon. We're as tired out from the week as anyone else. Are we out of our minds?! Maybe. But we like to think we're just really, really smart about a few things.

We've learned that one of the best ways to really know our own children is to be regularly with them and their friends. Watching our children interact with the others gives us an unobtrusive way to understand and help them with social skills. Watching our children work on Scout projects gives us insight into their strengths and challenges at school. Sitting back and listening to girl conversations helps us know what is going on at school; what is important to the girls, what might be troubling to them, and what they are proud of. Talking with the girls, we can gently shape some of their perceptions and ways of interacting. We can help them negotiate friendships by working through rough spots and by appreciating differences. Scouting together over the years often helps the girls find friendship with people they might not easily connect with at school.

There are some skills we can share with our daughters and their friends because we are in Scouts. Throughout the year we work on camp lore like fire building, cooking outdoors (I'm great with a reflector oven), building a shelter, and staying safe and comfortable even when the weather is cold and damp. There is a kind of confidence that comes from knowing that you can take care of yourself in the woods. We are Scout leaders because we want our daughters and their friends to carry the kind of inner security that is born of practical competence.

Best of all, being with our troop of girls is fun. Sure, it's challenging at times to deal with the complicated relationships, the varying levels of skill, and the different personalities found in any group of kids. But on Fridays, my co-leader and I get to put aside jobs and home management and play games instead. We get to sing out loud. We get to participate in a beautiful ceremony. We get to relive those moments from our own childhoods when we mastered some new Scout skill. We get to go camping and tell ghost stories around a fire. We get to eat So'mores again.

There are other ways besides Scouting, of course, to accomplish many of these same goals. When a parent is involved in 4-H, Camp Fire, a church youth group, a book club, community theatre, a sports team, a youth band, orchestra or chorus, etc., there is always a dual opportunity: the opportunity for your child to learn skills in both the activity and in relationships - and the opportunity for you, the parent, to share experiences with your child and to share yourself with your community. This is truly one of the joys of parenting.

Dr. Marie advises:

To know your child in a different way and to help your child build skills that lead to self-confidence . . .